I'm over Kristen Wiig. I don't recall the exact moment that SNL became "the Kristen Wiig Show featuring SNL", but seriously. I'd be willing to overlook it if they'd kept Michaela Watkins around, but instead they kept the terribly unfunny (but cute) Abby Elliott and added two equally cute but painfully unfunny other girls. I shouldn't say they aren't funny – how would we know, we never see them. I used to really laugh at Kristen Wiig. I sang her praises to all around (ok, only when discussing SNL – I'm not THAT much of a weirdo). Now, I cringe when she makes her entrance into the sketch just waiting for whichever variation of that grating, bizarrely high-pitched-yet-nasal talking-from-the-back-of-her-throat thing she does. In every sketch. Seriously, enough with the Wiig!
I'm annoyed by the way people drink coffee on tv. You know what I'm talking about: hold-the-cup-with-two-hands-followed-by-the-deep-sniff-of-contents-with-eyes-closed-then-slowly-sip-with-shoulders-raised-aaaaaaand-finally-a-satisfied-smile. That's not how people really drink it. No. It's slurped, quickly, in our cars. While flipping off the jerk in the yellow mustang who passes on the shoulder.
I like the 5 gum commercials. They're pretty. And original. And no one folds a stick of gum into their mouths, which is another of my pet peeves. Real people do not fold gum into their mouths on the beach with their twin. Real people just shove it into their mouths and chomp loudly. Some of us crack it, but don't realize it until our office mates point it out to us. Then we crack it louder.
I could watch "the Office" every day, many times in a row.
"Eye-candy". I hate hate hate that phrase. Not as much as I hate Blues Traveler, but close.
Every movie should be directed by Tim Burton and scored by Danny Elfman. Well, all the good ones anyway. I met a four-year-old recently who has studied the collected works of Tim Burton, and quizzed me on my knowledge of the films. He won, by default (he was too cute to defeat). Robert, you are one cool kid with great taste in films.
Turner Classic Movies helps me stay sane.
I really need to do something about my hair. And I really wish a pedicurist would knock on my front door and haul in the cool chair. She could bring her friend the massage therapist.
I heard Bob Mould on the radio at the grocery store today. A part of me was really excited, but another part of me felt very sad that Bob Mould has become "adult contemporary". But mostly, the excited part won.
I haven't smoked a cigarette in over 4 years. Take that, doubters! And when I say doubters, I really mean me because I was the biggest doubter of them all. Never ever did I think I could quit. But I quit for Augusta (found out I was pregnant and quit cold turkey that day), so I think that's the trick. I couldn't quit for myself, but I found a better reason. Do I still think about cigarettes? Yep. Do I still want to smoke? Sometimes, usually when I'm irritated or feeling super fat. But the reality is, cigarettes suck. They control you, they make you stink like crap, they break your bank and they are just plain not worth it. I still miss that first drag and the instant calm, but then I get on the elevator at work after a smoker has been on it – or I look at my daughter – and remember that I don't smoke anymore, and won't ever again.
I wish Mad Men was a daily soap.
Where the hell did my waistline go!? Hey, look! OREOS!!
Wizard of Oz fans will appreciate this: The other day, I asked Augusta what she was doing and she said, "I'm just flying on a broomstick, thumbing for a hitch."
Speaking of Augusta, recently after not pooping for 3 days, she went during the night in her sleep. She woke me up and said, "MOM! I pooped my pants!!! Why did that happen???? I WAS SLEEPING!!!!!!!"
Last but not least, Augusta has her own way of saying her prayers. She came home from daycare one day and asked if she could say Grace at dinner. We obliged. She very solemnly crossed herself and said, "bwess us o' Lord for these thy thank you for our dinner. The father, the song, hold the spirit, Amen."
